Can't Commit - Why Bother?

By Nina Atwood

If you are dating someone, long-term that is (one or more years), and you cannot bring yourself to make a commitment, take a little time and challenge yourself with these questions:

1. Why am I in this relationship?

2. Why is the person I'm dating in this relationship? (If you don't know the answer to this one, find out.)

3. Am I in love with this person?

If you are in love with the person you are dating, then ask yourself what am I afraid of? If you are afraid of pain, it is time to come to terms with that fear. Life is full of pain. Suffering, on the other hand, is optional. Suffering happens when our actions do not line up with our intentions. If you love someone, and your intention is to be with them, then line your actions up with that by facing your fears, overcoming them, and moving forward.

If you are not in love with the person you are dating, and you do not have good answers to the first two questions, why bother? The purpose of dating is to discover your compatibility and level of devotion so that you can make a decision about marriage. I know, I know - marriage? Yes, that's right. Marriage. If not marriage, then what?

Very few individuals truly seek a non-committal relationship for long term. There is no way to avoid bonding in a long-term relationship unless you are sociopathic (unable to emotionally bond). Therefore, long term dating ALWAYS leads to long term bonded relationships. Sooner or later, those relationships lead to the question: are we or aren't we going to get married?

So, why not face those questions early on? And if you do not get good answers, MOVE ON. There is nothing worse than having your heart and your life tied up in a long term relationship that goes nowhere. If you cannot commit, do not bother. Spare the other person the gruesome ordeal of having to extricate themselves from the relationship down the road, with all of the attendant heartache and pain.

About the Author

Nina Atwood is a licensed therapist and nationally known relationship expert with three published self-help books on communication and love. Be Your Own Dating Service: A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding and Keeping Healthy Relationships, Date Lines: Communication From "Hello" to "I Do" and Everything In Between, and Soul Talk: Powerful, Positive Communication for a Loving Partnership. Her expertise is regularly sought by national media, including the Wall Street Journal, Health Magazine, Men's Health, LifeTimeTVOnline.com, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and many more. She has appeared on numerous regional television shows and hundreds of radio shows nationally. Nina's web site, http://www.singlescoach.com is accessed daily by thousands of single men and women seeking leading edge relationship advice. Nina's newest book, Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid, is scheduled for release by January 2008. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nina_Atwood